Tired

8 weeks.

That's how long my 62 year-old dad has gone without smoking, a habit that he's struggled with for the last 40 years. On the cusp of journeying across America with his motorcycle and travel trailer, he decided to kick the habit once and for all so he can actually live his retirement, and not cut it short. And with that, I have the sudden urge to examine my own health and conquer my weight problem.

Ever since I can remember, I have had issues with my weight. As a 12 year old, I began feeling conscious about my extra pounds when I was asked by family members if I needed to go bra shopping because of the bust I was developing. Every day of high school was a literal pain as the tightness of my jeans, which I had outgrown because of my expanding waistline, cut into my hips with every step I took, all because I was afraid to ask my mom to buy me that next larger size. But I was never a huge kid, never an obese kid. In reality, I was just a little overweight.

My 20s were a whole other story. It was then that the weight really started getting out of control. By the age of 20 I was already over 250 pounds, quite the gain from my high school weight of 180. By 25 I was pushing 300. Through the years, the weight just kept coming until today I weight in at 349 pounds, all pushing down on a body which stands at 5'9. Today I am what is categorized as "morbidly obese". I'm well on my way to developing diabetes, heart disease, and any number of other illnesses which will likely cut my life short. I live my life with a 349 pound noose around my neck: I literally could drop at any moment.

I'm tired of living like this. I'm tired of shopping at specialty stores for clothes. I'm tired of looking so much different from everyone else, including my own skinny spouse. I'm tired of being the lone obese member of a relatively healthy family. I'm tired of breaking a sweat and running out of breath simply by climbing a flight of stairs. I'm tired of watching those weight loss game shows on tv, wishing that I was among them. I'm tired of seeing those sad looks on peoples' faces that say "oh, what have you done to yourself?" And I'm tired of being ashamed of what I have done to myself. I should have known better.

And so my Christmas present to myself this year is to finally conquer this issue once and for all. I've tried so many different ways to lose weight before, and I'll talk about them at a later date. I know what I need to do and I'm going to do those things. But I decided maybe it would help me to talk about the journey as I take on this challenge. After all, there's probably something a little therapeutic in talking about tackling the greatest challenge of my life, and I can only imagine that it will help me in the end. I also know that there are many, many people out there who struggle with weight as I do. Hopefully this place can become one in which ideas are shared and solutions are found. And, somewhere along the way, I hope that I can live without feeling so tired.

So in the words of the Great One himself, dancing his large frame off a stage before the opening act, I dedicate this blog in a way I think is most appropriate:

"And away we go!"