Structure

A friend of ours visited last night and noticed that I had lost some weight.  As good as it felt to hear her say that, I couldn't help but have a feeling of disappointment.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've really been "half-assing" my weight loss.  I've only walked a couple times a week, and while I haven't been frequenting the drive-thrus, I haven't really been tracking my food intake like I should.  I know that if I increased my walks and tracked my food, I'd be losing anywhere from 2-4 pounds a week.  Instead, I'm losing about 1 to 1 1/2.  That's still good, but it's hardly good enough.

During my friend's visit, we talked about changes we need to make to get our weight loss back on track.  She made an admission that I had not seriously considered to be true for myself: she needs the discipline and structure of a weight loss program.  We've both been very successful at losing weight when using programs like Weight Watchers and going to the gym.  My partner and I are extremely financially strapped, so a gym membership is out.  I'm okay with this as I live in a perfect neighborhood for walking, which is all the exercise one needs to lose weight.  However, there is something to be said about being part of a program which holds you accountable to your weigh loss goals.  With Weight Watchers, members report to meetings once a week where they are weighed in and then listen to and share weight loss tips in a group therapy session.  I think those weekly weigh-ins are the kick in the pants my weight loss needs.

Next week, my plan is to attend my first meeting since the beginning of the year.  Since I've been paying for a weight loss program that I haven't been using, it will thankfully not cost me anymore than it would otherwise!  While I'm still within 6 pounds of my goal of 10 percent weight loss, my big goal now is to get under 300 pounds by my birthday, October 26.  That means I need to lose 24 pounds in the next 11 weeks.  With the discipline of a weight loss plan and my motivation to make this happen, I think that's completely doable.  I've made a promise to myself to not be a 300 pound 36 year-old, and I plan on keeping that promise!

I so want fries with that!

The drive thru window.

It's the sole reason why I weigh 350 pounds. Ever since I was a teenager, I've been tempted by the window which delivers hot, fried goodness to my car. Burgers, fries, chicken nuggets. In the past when I've tried to lose weight, I'd choose the healthier options (the grilled chicken sandwich, a turkey burger, a salad) But, who am I kidding? Everyone who goes through a drive-thru wants the burger combo, supersized, and maybe even with a little extra something on the side.

When hunger bites and I'm running around in my car, the drive-thru calls to me. McDonalds, Burger King, Wendys, Jack in the Box. You name it, I've been there. As if it weren't enough to order a Double Whopper with Cheese combo (large sized), I usually would add on a Whopper Jr for good measure. Am I worried I'll starve without that extra burger? What's more likely is that somewhere in my past, I had engrained in my head that more is better. If that's the case, then I'm one of the worlds best when it comes to weight gain.

It's so ridiculous. I've noticed that there's an emotional connection to the drive-thru window. For some reason, there is no greater feeling in the world than pulling up to that bright, cellophane covered window and ordering my favorite burger combo, and then pulling up to a window and being handed a warm, paper bag filled with greasey, breaded, mayonnaise and ketchup covered goodness. When I'm feeling down, I want it. When I want to celebrate, I want it. I'd say it was an addiction, but more than one time I've passed up the drive-thru window for something more reasonable healthy and affordable at home, and I've done so without withdrawals. So, what the hell is this?

I grew up on a small farm. We had no regular access to fast food, or any food for that matter. The closest grocery store was in town, about 5 miles away, and the closest fast food place was in a city about 10 miles away (and in another state even!) Occasionally we would travel to the "big city" across the river and do a little shopping or catch a movie. Almost always without fail we'd stop somewhere to get a bite to eat, and it was usually at one of those gloriously fattening havens of fried and broiled goodness. The folks would order their adult meals, and we kids would order our "happy-to-be-eating-here" meals. We'd sit at the table, unwrap our meal, and chow down. I mention this because, somewhere in the back of my mind, these memories reach to the forefront of my thinking as my 34 year-old fingers unwrap whatever drive-thru concoction I happen to be indulging in. Is that why I love to eat fast food? Is it my own little tribute to years gone by, and times when life was simpler? Is that why we all do it?

I might be on to something, but I have a feeling that there's more to it than that. Whatever the case, I do know one thing. My reliance on the drive-thru window, be it for emotional release or for simple convenience, has put my life in serious jeopardy. I know that in order to conquer my weight issues I will need to say goodbye to the drive-thru window.

Man, I could really go for a burger right now.